Uncategorized Feb 27, 2019


Dear Fathers,

I know you have problems too.  And I know that you, like most good men, don’t really feel like its your place or time to complain about them.  I mean, you’ve just witnessed your partner - me - grow a live human in her belly and then push it out (or have it cut out) in all sorts of degrees of primal. 

But, here’s the deal.  Maybe you don’t know because we don’t know how to tell you:  We, your partners, want you to feel good.  We want you to be vital.  We support you getting to be you.  And as much as we complain about and make fun of your “man colds,” deep down we care.  Like, a lot.  If it ever looks like we don’t, it’s because we are overwhelmed and going through the emotional labor of how to not be a nag and also how ask for help, when - as a woman - help has never been that easy and being a nag means we lose our status as desirable and fun. 

The reality is that most of us women are completely lost in the utter chaos and intensity that is both the female experience and motherhood.  We’ve lost our identities, our autonomy, our bodies, and most certainly our rest.  We don’t want to also lose you as our comrades.  And we are often stuck in a swirly place of supporting you so that you can stay in tact and also trying to ask you to do more for us. 

We don’t want you to fall apart too.   And we also need you, like a lot.

Gone are the days where we women had neighbors right around the corner who would surround us with support.  Gone are the days when we could trust our instincts about how we mother, as we are quite literally inundated with all the ways we are doing it wrong.  Gone are the days when we could actually heal from birth, as our society has seemed to undervalue what our bodies have gone through.

So.  We are a team and we need you in ways that, in all honesty, are probably the way it ought to have always been.  We know that if we do this right and we hold hands that’ll we be conquering age-old dynamics of male/female crap that is SO worth it.  We also know that it could be a lot of fun, if we let it be.  We don’t have to subscribe to the idea that to parent is to suffer (I mean, at least not alllllllll the time).

We know you’ve got a sh*t ton on your plate.  We know that you are probably dealing with an incredible amount of pressure that we can’t truly understand.  Along with that, we know what used to be your own time to, say, workout and take care of yourself is now lost … just like it is for us.  Sure, our experiences of this are different, but this doesn’t make one worse than the other.  We both need to confront and handle our own physical deterioration and I am deeply aware that it’s not quite as accessible for you to get help in this way.  I know your back hurts, your shoulders get injured the minute you do anything, I know your waist is growing thicker and you hate that, and I know you feel like the aging process has happened without giving your fair notice. No one talks about your pelvic floor, or gives you five minute hacks that might very well save your ass.  You still are told that you need to go to the gym or a class or or or or or.  And we know that you don’t have the time or energy for that in a meaningful and measurable way.

The good news is that a tool that has helped me and so many other women is available for you too.  And I double dog dare you to give it a shot.  I believe in us and I really f*cking need you on my team.  I can’t do this alone and I don’t want to.  Let’s be different, together.

Go get the support you deserve.  Be pain free.  Feel strong enough and agile enough that you can get back to the weird stuff you like to do without feeling like you are falling apart. 

I’ll let the folks at PappaStrong take it from here.  $3 a month for the next two months.  After that it’s a whopping $5. 



Your Comrade


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